64. 

Breastfeeding is a long journey. I am not exclusively breastfeeding my baby, but I am not gonna give up. The beginning is the toughest. I cried cus I was in pain, my nipples hurt so bad that it bled. I cried cus I wasn’t supplying enough milk for my baby. 

I kept telling myself it doesn’t make me less of a mother to supplement my baby with formula. With the support and encouragement from my husband, family and close girlfriends, I came to finally accept that its okay to mix feed. So long as my baby is growing healthily, that’s all that matters. 

There’s more to what I went thru since the day I gave birth, but time is not always on my side lately. So that’s all I could share, for now. 

I am 10 weeks postpartum, which means my baby is 10 weeks old. That’s about two and a half month. THAT’S FAST. 

And tonight is by far the earliest my baby fell asleep for the night. I am always grateful that Aleeyyah sleeps thru the night, every night. Except for some occasional nights which she just decides that she doesn’t wanna sleep hahahaha. Boss baby ah this one. 😂

Motherhood is definitely not easy, but I got used to it. I love Aleeyyah so much, more than I love myself. This girl is my world. I’d do anything for her. 

I’ll post some photos of the girl who lights my world! Just look at them………. babies grow so fast!!! Follow me on ig (@msrfh) for updates on Aleeyyah k! Hahaha. 


And now that Aleeyyah is over two months, she seems to laugh and smile whenever we baby talk with her. Too cute! Its those toothless smiles she gives me that make my sleepless night worthwhile. ❤️

I have been buying headbands A LOT lately, but I’ve been repeatedly letting her wear my favourite haha. But its okay, I’ve ordered more. And I might just have a new favourite? 😜

My life has changed a lot. And I’m forever grateful for my husband. He’s been my pillar of strength cus he has always been there when I thought I’ve failed as a mom. He never fails to push me thru and he encourages me everyday, definitely what I need cus taking care of a baby drains our energy.

My brother just got enlisted today and he’s been an amazing uncle towards Aleeyyah. He comes over to my place on days my husband is on morning shift (cus if not, I’ll be alone the whole day) and helps me with my baby. I was able to do housework! Alhamdulillah. Now, I’m gonna miss his presence here. 

Okay la, quite a long update actually hahaha. Apologies if there’s any grammar mistakes or typo! I’m gonna join my husband and my baby to sleep now. Oh yeap, we’re co-sleeping and we love it this way! 

💋, Fafa. 

63.

Another Wednesday night… my life’s like a total routine since Aleeyyah came along. Not gonna complain, cus this will just be a phase and she’ll grow up pretty fast. In fact, I can already see how fast she’s growing since we came home from the hospital.

Faris is on his night shift, and since I’m still in my pantang, I asked my parents to sleepover my place. We all know how I can’t handle being alone with a baby yet. And when fasting month starts, Aleeyyah and I will be staying over my parents’ place when Faris is on night shift. I wouldn’t have to worry about what to have for sahur that way! Hehe.

I finally have time to myself now… Aleeyyah is asleep, and since my parents are here, they are helping to keep an eye on her too. So grateful for my parents, my mom especially. Like last night, Aleeyyah woke up at 430am for milk and diaper change. My mom woke up too, to help me. She willingly helped me with Aleeyyah.

Okay, about my labour story… Get ready for a long post ahead hehe.

Aleeyyah was born on 2 May 2017 (two days after our anniversary HAHA). That was the day I was supposed to go for the weekly appointment. I was 38 weeks then. The appointment was scheduled at 230pm, so Faris and I took leave from work. I was telling Faris I wanted to go Hillion after the appointment since we weren’t driving on that day. Woke up in the morning, ordered mcd breakfast cus I just felt like it. After breakfast, I decided to take a nap since we still had time to spare before going out. I took a nap in the room, while Faris played his ps4 just to fill his time.

I already had my alarm set at 1230pm to get ready to go out. But you know, we plan, He decides. I woke up at around 1145am, and felt wet. Like I peed in my sleep but I was sure it wasn’t pee, cus I felt like I was leaking. There was already a wet patch on the bed. Shouted for Faris (I don’t know how many times la lol). Showed him the wet patch and we concluded, MAYBE just maybe, my waterbag was already leaking. He called the NUH delivery suite to inform that we were making our way there. Oh, and also, that morning, baby wasn’t moving much. I was worried about that and I had some brownish discharge apart from the leaking. I was kinda freaked out.

Anyway, we siap-siap and called a cab. So glad we had the hospital bag ready. Angkat and go je. Lol. My brother was supposed to send us for the appointment before his graduation ceremony, but since plans changed, we took a cab la of course.

In the cab, I kept asking Faris how does contraction feel like. Cus how would I know right, I’ve never felt before hahaha. But I asked Faris, as if he knows LOL. I had a feeling what I felt in the cab was early contractions, but it wasn’t so bad. I still could talk and play with my phone. Faris asked if I wanted to walk to the delivery suite or he should take the wheelchair for me. I confidently said, “Alah, I jalan sudah la. I can walk la, I walked from home till we reached the cab what. I should be able to walk.” But hahahahaha no. As soon as we alighted the cab, I felt a gush of water came out of me. IT FELT SO UNCOMFORTABLE, I didn’t wanna move! And I cried cus I was THAT uncomfortable already! I haven’t felt REAL pain yet, just very uncomfortable. So Faris had to take the wheelchair for me and wheeled me to the delivery suite.

Checked ourselves in, and I had to get change. Faris had to help, cus this penakut girl was scared that the water will gush out when I change to the baju hospital hahaha. In the end, the both of us yang terkejut. The water that came out of me was green. Yeap, GREEN. And we were like, “Didn’t everyone told us waterbag colour is supposed to clear or something? Then why is it green seh? Okay takpe, nanti tanya nurse.” Which we did, and nurse was like, “Green? Oh, I think your baby must have pooped inside already.” Honestly, I didn’t know how to react to that.

My gynae came and checked how far along was I dilated. And at 1pm, I was only 2cm dilated. I was already thinking, since I need to be at least 10cm to push the baby out, maybe it would take me quite awhile. But then, my gynae told us that they will monitor me for another 3 hours, and if I don’t progress much, I will need to be induced since baby already pooped inside. That 3 hours fly by fast. But the contractions were all bearable. I still could have proper conversations with Faris, played games on my phone and all.

And at 4pm, when the nurse checked my cervix, I was only 4cm dilated. Lol, 3 hours and I only dilated 2cm more. So slow kan… Then the nurses started poking needles in me, to put me on drips. And that was when the REAL pain started. It really went from 0 to 10000000000000. I started to cry cus I was really in pain, and I kept telling Faris not to leave my sight. I was so mean la, he wanted to solat asar (in the delivery room) but I didn’t let him go to the toilet. Lol. And when he was praying, I think he could hear I my breathing cus I was loud la.

I was so close to asking for an epidural. I really felt like I couldn’t stand the pain. The nurse already passed me the form for me to sign, but Faris kept questioning me if this was what I really want. Whoa, I was in pain and he made me read the whole form and made me think more than twice for it. In the end, I didn’t go for the epidural. My husband must be proud la since he managed to talk me out of it lol. They gave me the laughing gas instead which was tak guna at all. Make me want to puke! I only took the painkiller jab but it didn’t even make any pain go away. Yeap, useless jab.

At around 6pm, I was 7cm dilated already. I think the pain made me go crazy and I asked Faris and the nurse, “I can’t take it already. Can we go for c-sect?! PLEASE.” And the both of them said nooooooooooo. I cried even more. Lol. Oh, I slapped my husband in the delivery room without realising. He was holding my hand, guiding me to breathe properly and all, but he breathe out in my face. So I slapped him. I felt so guilty when he told me that hahaha. But he did say, maybe he deserved it la cus I already told him not to do it hahahahahaha.

By 7pm, that was when the pushing started. It happened very fast. And I have no idea where I had the strength to push the baby out. I was already so very tired and it was A LOT of pushes before Aleeyyah came out. When she finally did, I cried again and turned to Faris saying, “I dah penat, I tak nak push lagi.” I didn’t realised she was out already lol. Only after I heard her cries then I realised that, that’s it. I managed to deliver my baby. Alhamdulillah. And it was tears of joy after that.

The first skin-to-skin with Aleeyyah felt so surreal and the feeling was really amazing.

Oh ya, when I was pushing my baby out, Faris’ and my phone were ringing non-stop! Apparently, my parents were looking for us, wanting to know how was everything going. Faris managed to call them back and they came to the hospital to see us at 10pm. More like meet their first granddaughter la. Sanggup you know… I went to the ward after 10pm, and my parents stayed to till almost midnight just for the sake of Aleeyyah.

Despite having to stay in a 4-bedder and Faris couldn’t stay with me the first night (we requested for A1 ward but got B1 instead), I enjoyed my stay at NUH. The nurses were all very helpful and I really liked my gynae. Apparently the mid-wife wanted me to go for emergency c-sect while I was pushing cus I wasn’t pushing well. But my gynae insist on letting me continue pushing. I only didn’t like the mid-wife. Pfft.

So this is Aleeyyah Binte Muhammad Faris, the little human who was growing in me for 38 weeks. Faris told me, “When I saw her eyes, it totally reminds me of you. Big, like yours. And when I saw her fingers…ni confirm ah anak Fafa. Jari sama seh.” Hahahahaha.

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Now, she’s 23 days old. She sleeps easily at night, though she wakes up for feeding and diaper change. She screams when she’s hungry. She managed to keep us up the whole night last week. But its okay, we love her anyway.

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Breastfeeding is whole different story. I had my share of troubles. I shall save that for another day. My baby needs me now. ❤️

Note: Should there be any typos or grammar errors, please forgive me. I didn’t have time to check for mistakes.

💋, Fafa.

62. 

11pm, on a Thursday night… I’m wide awake. Oh, I’ve given birth last week! I’m now a proud mommy to Aleeyyah and its been 10 days since her arrival. Alhamdulillah. 

The past week has been crazy tired. I cried cus of so many reasons. My emotions are all over the place. But I’m forever grateful to my husband for moving supportive and being there for me whenever I breakdown.

Right now, I have my baby and my husband sleeping soundly beside me. Guess I need to try to sleep before Aleeyyah wakes up in the middle of the night! 

Maybe I’ll share my labour story when I manage to settle things and get more used to all the routine. 


Anything for you, our Aleeyyah. We love you. Now, we’re complete. Alhamdulillah for this rezeki. ❤️

💋, Fafa. 

61.

I have this sudden urge to update cus I’m currently very free right now. Lol. On MC since yesterday, so that explains. Haven’t been updating this space probably bcus I’ve been busy, actually mostly lazy la haha. I’m home alone now………………………… so I’m kinda bored. Lol.

The last I update, Faris and I were already living on our own. So yeap, we’ve moved in our new place since February and now’s already April. Which means, we’re less than two weeks to our first anniversary!! Whoaaaaaa, time flies so fast!! And and and, I’m 36 weeks now! Last lap, last lap! So excited. Hehe.

We are not making any advance plans for our first anniversary, cus you know, our little love might arrive then. So I guess, last minute planning will do la.

I’ve been getting lots of questions asking how I’m feeling about having our first child and all. To be honest, I’m scared. Scared of child birth. But at the same time, I’m very VERY excited about it. I love every kick, push and whatever else this little one in me does. It amazes me everytime. And I do not feel lonely most times thanks to all the little one’s movements.

Work’s been crazy, as always. The urge to resign is there, but I’m staying for now. So many rumours and news going around about the status of the company and all. Scary shit but I redha. If this is my rezeki, I’ll be keeping this job. But if its not, then its okay. If I’m looking for a job again, I don’t think I would want to be in the oil and gas industry again. High risk, high returns eh? Hmm okay.

I’m really looking forward to my maternity leave. A few more weeks to go! Must sabar banyak-banyak haha. Oh, my bump is not that big but baby is growing well. So that’s all that matters right? People have always mistaken me to be like 5 months pregnant now. But hehe nope, I’m due next month! 🙂

Maybe the next update, Faris and I will have our little one in our arms already? Who knows right. In shaa Allah. Hehe.

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💋, Fafa.

 

60.

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It has been a week since Faris and I have officially moved in our new place, and living on our own has definitely been fun but sometimes tiring too haha. Cus you know, we’ll have to do everything on our own now. My mom won’t be around to help us with our daily meals and my dad won’t be the one who cleans up the kitchen every night. But its so satisfying to be doing all that on our own, in our own home.

We spent last weekend unpacking whatever boxes we have, especially the clothes. That really took up the most time. Totally drained all our energy on unpacking and I was so glad my family came over (with food) on Saturday night, while my in-laws came on Sunday afternoon (with food too). We were too tired to go out to get food and our fridge was empty since we have yet to go for groceries shopping then. Only managed to get groceries the next day and now, our fridge is stocked! I like hahaha!

I really love how cosy our new place is. Its spacious cause we have very minimal furniture and we intend to keep it that way. For now, there are still things we haven’t bought yet but slowly la. The baby room is still not ready too since we don’t know where to start!

Speaking of the baby, I’m about 3 months away to full term. I love it that I get kicks from the baby everyday. Makes me feel that I’m not alone in everything I do. We just went for our monthly check up last Friday and alhamdulillah, its all good and baby is growing fine. My bump is quite small though and I have only gained 2kg. But as long as baby is growing well, in shaa Allah, the rest of this journey will be smooth one. As THE DAY gets closer, I get more afraid of giving birth. Honestly, it scares me. But Faris and I are very much excited to have our little one with us.

I still spend some of my nights at my parents’ place when Faris is having his night shift. My mom and Faris don’t want me to be all alone at night/ sleeping alone, probably bcus I’m expecting and they just want me to safe with either one of them.

And now…I’m home alone on a Sunday. Faris went to work this morning and I have the whole house to myself. Washed the toilets earlier and I’m gonna do laundry later. Fyi, I can’t cook but Faris can. I really don’t mind doing the laundry and washing the dishes. So…for the past few days, meals were prepared by Faris and I only helped. There’s still so much I can learn from him!

Feeling so lazy la. After doing laundry, I just want to laze around, watching tv. And head to my parents place later in the afternoon.

Maybe I’ll update again when I’m free, just like today!

💋, Fafa.

59.

Happy 2017! May this year be more amazing than it was in 2016! The highlight of my 2016 was definitely when I married the love of my life. My life changed a lot since then, but it was a good change. Alhamdulillah.

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Okay la, by now it should be (kinda) obvious that we’re expecting our first baby and we’re halfway thru the journey. And we definitely didn’t plan for this. It just happened, but I’m glad it did. Feeling so blessed every time the little one kicks me hehe. Still can’t believe I’m carrying a little human in me!

My family, my in-laws and of course my husband have been very supportive of this pregnancy. My dad, especially. Whenever he’s out, he’ll ask me if there’s anything I need or if I felt like eating a certain something. And he’ll do whatever it takes to satisfy his daughter’s cravings.

Faris on the other hand, he’s been such a sweetheart. He has always been very patient with me, but this time, its like extra patient. I had my meltdowns. I cry when Faris goes to work, I cry when I need to go to work. Sometimes even worst, I cry for no reason. Lolz, I don’t get me. Probably the hormones?

Anyway, Faris and I has already started packing and slowly moving our barang-barang to our new place. At the same time, we’re slowly building it up as well. Though we’re still living with my parents, our new home is practically move-in ready. I just need our bed in and we’ll be officially moved in! In shaa Allah by end of January or early February. Really love how cosy our home is and I can’t wait to create new memories with our little one hehe.

Very abrupt ending to this post, but whatever la. I’m getting ready to go home! Calling it a day already. One more working day and hello, weekends! Sooooo looking forward to this Friday! I wanna see my baby again and I wanna know the gender too! EXCITED PLEASE!

I can never say this enough, but I’m so blessed to have my own little human in me who is half of me and half of the person I’m in love with. Alhamdulillah.

💋, Fafa. 

58.

I’m really not in the mood to be working today, I’m so distracted. Maybe bcus its Friday. Yea, maybe la. Lol.

In other news, RENOVATIONS ARE FINALLY DONE FOR OUR NEW HOME! Exciting news this week hahahaha. TV, fridge and washer/dryer had already been delivered earlier this week. All Faris and I need to do now is to start packing our barang-barang. But I don’t want to move just yet, cus there are no blinds/ curtains yet, no heater for me to mandi air panas hahaha, and no wifi connection! PRIORITIES hahahaha. The place looks kinda exposed without blinds/ curtains! At least to me la. So we’re still surveying for korean combi blinds. Not cheap eh. If you guys have any recommendations, do leave a comment! Thanks in advance hehe. Of course I need air panas to mandi okayyy haha, and everyone needs wifi at home. We’ve already signed up for that, but it will only be installed by the end of December!

We’re still starting to pack soon la, of course. I have too many things in my room, NEED to start soon! Starting next week!

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We’ve been heading to our new place a couple of times this week, just to lepak. Well bcus, you know, its just so nice to lepak at your own home even though its quite empty at the moment. At least got tv to entertain us hahaha.

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Loving my new place, as much as I can’t wait to move in, I don’t know how I’ll be not living with my parents anymore. We’ll take our time, my parents always tell us not to rush cus they won’t chase us out. May Allah bless their kind souls, always.  ❤

Exams are finally overrrrrrrrr for the semester and I’ve decided to take a break from school next semester. Whoever can judge me all they want la, no one knows how much of a toll it was on me to sit for two papers for the past few weeks. Crazy tired, crazy stressful.

Its time for me to focus on other important and meaningful things in my life now.

Anyway, my dear girlfriend will be getting married to the life of her life next week! Finally, after more than 10 years!! Soooo looking forward to her wedding! But first, hair pampering session with the bride-to-be next week! ❤

💋, Fafa.